Hello, friends! Thanks for stopping by today. Here’s a snippet from the book for you to digest today, if you so desire (I hope you’re feeling brave). I also hope you are encouraged!
Villains & Victims: The Enemy Called Single
In our society, we have been presented a very harsh, false perception of what Single is supposed to be.
Let’s look at the view of Single that society tries to sell us, and let’s consider whether this lines up with the overall perspective of life offered to us by our God and Maker. Take for instance the following scenarios (which you have undoubtedly seen, if not in real life, then numerous times in movies and on TV):
- Girl is living life, seemingly okay, but not dating. Girl’s friends give her a hard time about not having a date or about not having had sex in such a long time. Girl meets boy. Girl falls for boy. Boy “rescues” girl from the horrible loneliness she had been living in for so long. Presumably, girl is now cured from the sickness of Single and lives happily ever after.
- Boy and girl meet. Boy and girl date for a while – maybe a few months, maybe only a few weeks, or maybe a few years. Boy decides he is not ready for commitment. Boy breaks up with girl. Girl falls into the throes of heartbreak and heartache, where she remains until new boy comes along. Repeat entire story. Repeat again. And again…
We are so often bombarded with these sorts of mindsets. We begin to think that Single is life’s miserable punishment on us. We see ourselves as the victims to a position in life that we desperately want to leave. Keep in mind that God did create the desire and need for the companionship and intimacy of romance, but we must recognize how to distinguish between desires from God and flat-out lust. Yes, I have a very real desire for my future husband, but I refuse to let that desire consume and overwhelm me! (Been there, done that. It wasn’t fun, and I got tired of being miserable). By letting that desire grow out of proportion in our lives, we set ourselves up to “fall in love with the idea of being in love.” This sets us up for drastic failure in one of two ways:
- We want love so badly that we will compromise our standards, morality, and our long-term desires from God simply to satisfy an immediate craving; or
- We romanticize the notion of being with someone so much that, even if God brought Mr. Right to us, we have idolized an ideal for so long that not even Mr. Right can live up to our expectations of what he should be. Thus, we are ill-prepared to function in the healthy relationship we always dreamed of sharing with him.
I implore each of you to join me in individually evaluating where we are at and how we see ourselves in our singleness. Let’s be willing to make any alterations needed in our mindsets to avoid impending relational disaster.
Instead of dwelling in a worrisome state over this big, bad enemy of Single that we’re contending with, maybe we should consider Jesus’ words in Matthew 7:9-12 (NIV):
“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”
If we let them, these words can really shift our perception of Single. If we trust Jesus’ words in this passage, then we know that the Father does hear our prayers. For those of us who are praying and asking Him for a spouse, we can trust that He will only give us goodgifts. So oftentimes, single Christians are duped into thinking that Single is the snake God gave us when we asked for a fish. It’s just not true! If we asked for Marriage and all we have right now is Single, we need to keep in mind that the Father only gives us good gifts… Single is a gift. It is not a curse. It is not a villain. We are not its victims.
“But I’ve been asking for so long!” You might say. All I know is this: The Father is good, and He will only do what is best for us. Ultimately, I have to trust His timing. I have to trust that even though I may think I’m ready, only He knows for sure. If we will be patient and seek Him first, He will take care of the rest.
Remember Jesus’ promise to us in Matthew 6:33: But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
One thing I see in both of these passages is the emphasis to look outward.
- So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you…
- But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness…
While you’re waiting for the next gift you’ve asked for, what are you doing for the good of anyone else? What are you doing for the Kingdom of God?
I believe God has purpose for my life and for yours. How presumptuous we have been to conclude that God’s perfect design for our lives has not yet begun! So many of us are sitting around nervously twiddling our thumbs or primping our hair while we wait for Prince Charming. Are we making ourselves valuable in the Kingdom of our Father in the meantime? If you like a good fairy tale, consider this… Nobody ever likes the self-centered princess. But the kingdom loves the selfless, humble, down-to-earth princess who serves and loves everyone in her father’s kingdom. Well, guess what? Your Father is a King. The King of all kings, actually. So that makes you a princess. So while you’ve been waiting around for Prince Charming to come rescue you… What are you doing to learn the heart of your Father and to serve His people?
Don’t minimize your callings and giftings to being effective only when another human being enters the picture and becomes your spouse. God has greatness for you right now in Single, but you’ll never find it if you’re only looking inward.
So today, I challenge you to turn your focus outward. Many of our prayers are answered when we take our eyes off ourselves and focus on the Father and on serving others.
With all that said, let’s make a point to thank God today for this good gift of Single! Let’s ask Him to show us what it is that He wants us to do with this gift, and let’s seek Him first as we move through our day!
Many blessings for your journey…
