Fighting Fear

One year ago this morning, I headed to an appointment with a new eye doctor to try to find out why I had been having increasing, constant headaches. I really expected to hear that my vision prescription had changed, and I was ready in case he chided me (which I deserved) about waiting too long between vision exams. I expected to receive a new prescription, order new contacts or glasses, and be on my way. Instead, I walked out with very different words ringing in my head…

“There is mild swelling in both of your optic nerves… This is very uncommon… When someone presents with your symptoms, it usually indicates a condition called pseudotumor–which means false tumor… in that case, the primary concern is permanent loss of vision… …although these symptoms can also indicate a tumor in the brain… We’ll need to order an MRI to determine which one it is…”

Wait. What?

Stunned, I left the appointment, and on my way out the door, I said under my breath, “Thank You, Lord, that I am healed.” Then I drove to my parents’ house to pick up my kids, calling my husband on the way. Meanwhile, I recognized a very familiar adversary trying to make its home in my mind. Fear. It was trying to set in, and I was doing everything I could to hold it at bay.

When I reached my parents’ house and told the report to my mom, she said, “We are going to activate the Law of First Response.” She got my dad on the phone, and they prayed over me right then.

I went home, got out my daughter’s acrylic paints, and began painting on our dining room wall Psalm 27:13: “I remain confident of this: I will SEE the goodness of the Lord in the land of the LIVING” (NIV, emphasis added).

Oh, but the day was not over.

As I was home that afternoon with the kids, trying to process the information, and fighting fears of the worst, my phone rang. It was my husband calling from his cell phone, which was unusual since he usually called from his desk phone at work. I answered with, “What are you doing?” He said he was coming home. They had just gotten out of a meeting and had been told that (after 7 1/2 years with the bank he worked for) he was being laid off at the end of December.

Okay.

As odd as it sounds, that phone call filled me with hope. I knew that for both of these reports to hit in the very same day, it meant that God was about to prove Himself to us in very huge ways.

Tim came home, and we activated the Law of First Response again. I added Deuteronomy 28:12 to the dining room wall to remind us of God’s power over our provision. He is our Source. The job was never our source anyway; it was only a tool in God’s hands. So if God wants to lay down one tool and pick up another… Bring it on! That’s exciting!

Nonetheless, I still had it out with fear that weekend. Thoughts of the worst, fears of my faith not being enough to carry me through whatever the diagnosis might be — All these things flashed through my head from Thursday through Saturday. Then on Sunday, it broke. God did a work in me during our worship time Sunday morning as well as through the prayers of my church family. I still had to walk out my victory over fear, reminding myself daily and sometimes hourly (or by the minute) that God was seeing us through to victory over all of these circumstances.

Meanwhile, the doctor had told me that losing even a small amount of weight could cause the problem to completely go away if it was indeed pseudotumor, so I decided to put common sense with my faith and began doing what I could. Only one week later at my next visit, he could already see improvement in my optic nerves. Each follow-up visit afterward showed greater improvement. We knew I was healed. However, just to confirm everything and to shut the door on fear’s opportunity to try to mess with me, I had an MRI at the end of October that confirmed absolutely no tumor! Within a few months, the headaches had completely subsided, and I walked forward in both victory and gratitude for my healing.

In December, Tim’s job did come to an end, and we are so thankful that he has not missed even one day of income due to the job loss. God has provided work for him and provision for our family all along the way. He even opened doors for us in the middle of all of this to be able to move out of the townhouse our family was quickly outgrowing and into a larger home that meets our (growing) family’s needs. We no longer fear loss of income, because we’ve seen God walk us through what seemed to be a daunting, out-of-our-control situation.

So that is where we were a year ago, and now this is where we are today. Is everything perfect? Nope. But fear lost ground in our lives last year, and it is so much better living without it!
I don’t know where you are right now… Maybe fear is trying to be your constant companion. Maybe something has blindsided you, or maybe you have been fighting a struggle and aren’t sure if your faith will be enough to carry you.

I can say this to you: God’s Word is true. His Word is always true. He is Truth. He is Life. And He is Love.

Oftentimes, when we’re battling fear, we think we are facing a faith shortage. This is not always true. When we’re battling fear, we are actually most likely facing a Love-shortage.

1 John 4:18 (NIV) says, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”

Verse 8 of that same chapter lets us in on what–(ahem), WHO–love is: “…God is love.”

My battle with fear came down to my understanding of God’s love for me. When I began seeing that the magnitude of God’s love for me was greater than the magnitude of my fears, my whole perception shifted.

I want you to know today that God’s love for you is greater than your fears. It’s greater than your inadequacies. It’s greater than your lack of faith. His love for you is unconditional.

If you’re wrestling with fear today, I urge you to run to the arms of your Father… Run into the arms of Love. He is fighting for you, and His Love conquers all.

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.”
Romans 8:37 (NIV)